When the anesthesia is gone.

I want to cry. But I can't, I'm still in a public place. Maybe later, when I get home.

My heart is on the verge of bursting...It's as if the effect of anesthesia God injected a few months back is finished and now I have to feel the real situation again.

You know the feeling when you're under anesthesia? I once felt that when my dentist had to extract my tooth. I felt pain when it was injected but after it took effect I felt numb. I was aware that my dentist was doing something in my mouth. I can hear the scary tooth-extractor (I don't really know what it's called.)...I see her move. I know something is happening. But since I'm under anesthesia...and I was sitting still on the chair, I can't feel the pain, I can't feel the relief after the tooth was extracted...I can't feel anything.

But after awhile, one hour to be exact, the numbness was gone and I then I felt normal again.

That's how I am feeling right now. I'm feeling 'normal' again.

God spoke to me a few nights ago about something I thought was already finished because I sacrificed and broke the jar. I was assuming that since it was an 'expensive perfume'...all of my sacrifice had volatilized and joined the wind.

But god said, it's not yet finished.

His words were really striking. I jumped from one book to another, trying to move away from the topic...but believe it or not the more pages I turn the more revelation he gives. What is more surprising was ALL the verses are connected to each other. My heart raced, nervous and confused.

I was telling God, "Lord, I thought we're finished with this, I've given everything, right?"

Then He answered, "Give, and it will be given to you.( Luke 6:38)"

God gave me more verses that night, and I cried and poured out my heart.

The anesthesia was finished.

I know that God is on the move. he's doing something during the days I was under anesthesia. I wasn't reacting because God made me numb and put me in the 'okay mode'.

But now, I am feeling everything. And God knows how nervous I am to be in this situation. I am VERY nervous.

Yesterday, God comforted me with the stories of Abraham, Moses and David. He gave promises to these great men, but what comes in between the promise and fulfilment are reckless decisions and alot of manmade mess. But God's promises are real, and He will finish it. Whatever happens He will make a way to bring me to His promise.

Bcel had a vision two years ago while we were having our discipleship. She saw God painting my life and I was sitting quietly on His side and watching Him put colors on the canvas.

That is what i am planning to do. I will be watching God move His brush and paint my life in the next following days...weeks..years.=)

The excitement in me is building up. And the more I feel God's move, the tighter I hold His hands. We started this together and we will finish this together.